when bees attack with righteous conviction

Sunday, October 16, 2005

second story, ad naseum...

Somehow, midair, Tom nimbly flung off his pants, which landed atop the ledge of the splintery pool deck, and sucked in enough air to submerge himself in the pool, landing in a half belly-flop, half something else that ended in a lot of welts and pain, but that didn’t have time for any thought, either.

Holding his nose, and eyes stinging from the chlorine, Tom peered up through the ruckus of the disturbed water as the swarm of bees confusedly flew away, eating their piece of the proverbial humble pie, which Tom, if he were in his sorts, would have called “bumble pie,” and he’d have had a good chuckle.

Rising to the surface, Tom spied a weird kid with a pair of pants on his head staring down from the diving board.

"Who're you, mister?" asked the kid through the wide-open zipper of Tom's kakhis.

"Why are my pants on your head?" Tom replied. He had a problem answering questions with more questions.

The kid thought for a second, then decided to ignore Tom's question, "I asked first. Plus, you are in my pool without permission, and I am currently wearing two pairs of pants, both of which place me in a position to ask the questions here."

Meanwhile, just a few yards away, the Halsey children watched the whole wonderfully weird conversation from behind Mrs. Carlise's hydrangea bushes.

"That Ralph Roosevelt is one strange child," whispered Rachel Halsey.

"I hear he was raised by a family of clowns until the Rooselvelts adopted him," added Jacob Halsey.

"Did anyone notice how he picked up those pants and put them on his head?" asked Matthew Halsey.

"That's nothing," Jacob continued, "just last week at school he spent half our geography lesson arguing with Mrs. Treachle that he had been King Siam of Pangea in a past life."

"King who?" asked Sadie Halsey.

"Quiet, guys. I can't hear what's going on," ordered Rachel, peering intently through the bushes.

"....don't care how many pairs of pants you've got on, " Tom raved from the sideo f the pool, "You could be Pantalones MeGee for all I care, just hand me back my friggin' clothes so I can get out of your flippin' pool and be on my freakin' way!"

The kid, known to the Halsey children as Ralph Rooselvelt, considered Tom for a second, then sat down on the deck and asked, "So what were you doing jumping into the pool like that?"

"The bees, you idiot! The bees!! Didn't you see them!?!"

"Of course I saw 'em," Ralph countered. Then added a bit morosly, "I'm not an idiot, you know."

"Whatever you little stinker, just hand me my pants already! I've had enough of this rubbish conversation. I just escaped a horrible death by bees and stinging and all I want to do is put some clothes on! Is that too much to ask you stupid snot!"

"Hey!" yelled Jacob stepping out from behind the hydrangea bushes, "That's no way to speak to a kid, ya big jerk!"

Ralph turned his head, peering throught the zipper at Jacob as the rest of the Halsey children stepped into sight.

"Yeah, you the supid one what through his clothes all around!" added Sadie (strong words from the youngest of the Halseys).

"What is this, some kind of freakin' kiddie birthday party!?!" Tom fumed, "Just someone -- anyone! -- hand me my frickin' clothes!!!"

And that was precisely the exact second that a small yet rather impressive meteorite slammed into the Roosevelt family's spacious backyard.


Post a Comment

<< Home